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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131320">Dango</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppeacherine/pseuds/ppeacherine'>ppeacherine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Code Geass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, i think i deleted the account it was on though, takes place shortly before actual r2 starts, tfw you accidentally have a date with your coworker, this is actually really old and was originally posted to tumblr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:41:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27131320</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppeacherine/pseuds/ppeacherine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rolo doesn't know why Suzaku insists on jeopardizing the mission at every turn (especially not so soon into the operation). The knight is a slave to sentiment, always chasing hopes and feelings. Always trying to replace the pieces he lost because of Zero -- because of Lelouch.</p><p>And right when Rolo was looking forward to having a day to himself after Lelouch caught the flu.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Euphemia li Britannia/Kururugi Suzaku, Kururugi Suzaku/Rolo Lamperouge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dango</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Technically, this is supposed to fit in the same timeline as Fair and Fairs, but I haven't decided if I want to expand it (and write about other rarepairs and ashford characters) or if I just want to remove it and start from scratch.</p><p> I really like writing slice-of-life things QnQ</p><p>like always, i subscribe that Ashford is a literal university and all of the characters are 18+ with a lot of them being in their 20's.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I don’t think you trust me, Lord Kururugi,” Rolo says coyly, narrowing his eyes and leaning back against the make-shift counter of fold-up tables for the carnival tent. A reckless use of his Geass for certain, but Suzaku nearly jumping out of his skin in surprise was worth the risk of reprimand. It wasn’t like he hadn’t used it for worse— “Coming to campus like this…”</p><p>“Rolo! Damnit, don’t—” Suzaku snatches a napkin from the table and covers his over-full mouth of funnel-cake samples. <em>Knight of Seven dies by cake while in disguise, god, </em>he turns on heel to glance about the fairgrounds… but, as expected, no one has noticed they lost any time at all.</p><p>The tent staff are less confused at Rolo’s sudden appearance: he’d played the part of mouse for so long they’d assume he was already there, sneaking around. It wasn’t like he stood out in a crowd anyways, or that people were prone to noticing him for being anything that <em>wasn’t </em>being Lelouch’s younger brother… which, the thought brings Suzaku’s brows down.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you be with… Lelouch…?”</p><p>“He’s back at the apartment,” a nonchalant answer with an equally nonchalant shrug that puts a frown to Suzaku’s face, “So I thought I would… ah, hmm, make an appearance for student council?” Rolo’s tone is too sweet, his eyes too big, and he slinks past the Knight of Seven as if his <em>being here </em>were the most innocuous thing in the world.</p><p>Turning to reluctantly follow after the younger man, Suzaku calls after, “Doing what? You’re supposed to keep him under surveillance–this isn’t really--”</p><p>“He’s puking, probably,” he must have sensed Suzaku’s eyes bug, and he casts a flat look over his shoulder in response while ferreting them through the crowd, “He has the flu. He’s not in danger. I gave him medicine. I’ve already taken care of everything, including scheduling an appointment for him to get a shot next season,” he recites it like a laundry list, obviously tired of playing keeper.</p><p>For a moment, Suzaku almost mentions that such a thing was Sayoko’s responsibility, but—that’s hardly the present they live in now, isn’t it? He goes still for a moment, a gaggle of students pushing past his shoulders. Here he was, on the Ashford University campus, and… everything was so wrong.</p><p>He was wrong, really, wearing shades and a coat he hadn’t pulled out of his closet since the last outing with Euphie. And now…</p><p>“Lord Kururugi, you’ll catch flies,” Rolo offers primly (receiving another grimace).</p><p>He takes a few wide strides to close the gap, grasping the smaller man’s bicep to push him through the crowd, “Don’t call me that out here. I’m pretty sure everyone knows Lelouch’s <em>younger brother </em>isn’t really best of friends with the Knight of Seven,”</p><p>“Right. That’s Lelouch’s--” Reflexively, Rolo’s hands fly up to catch Suzaku’s as the other reels. The locking of fingers about wrists, a tangle of initiation-versus-counter, pushes them haphazardly through the crowd. Rolo’s been in enough fights to know it isn’t worth resisting someone with this much strength over him, though. He ragdolls.</p><p>A girl snaps <em>watch it, </em>and the <em>darling </em>Knight of Rounds gives her an immediate apology—</p><p>Before slamming Rolo against the metal wall of one of the craft sheds. Now, they’re parallel to the crowd. Festival goers pour through the cobbled, blossom-laden main street to their left, the tents forming a makeshift alley about the shed that ensures their spat-slash-rendezvous remains unseen from the student gawking.</p><p>The Britannian gives a small wince before levelling his gaze up at the other. Unflinching, really, and it reminds Suzaku of the way his officers used to look at him as a recruit. The way the captured Black Knights turned their eyes at him, full of scorn and betrayal.</p><p>“Your mouth is new, Rolo,” Suzaku’s lips part one more time, only to purse tightly as he relaxes his grip on Rolo’s blazer.</p><p>Although his hands are unable to move away entirely. They’ve been pinned underneath Rolo’s own, and he only cocks his head to the side, as if this were a natural arrangement. This is the way one was meant to talk to their superior officers.</p><p>At this proximity, Suzaku wonders if Rolo has ever worn an expression that didn’t look like a wounded animal attempting to hide its injuries. Everything about him is <em>soft, </em>and maybe those eyes are just wide enough, empty as they appear under duress, to uncomfortably remind him of Euphemia’s.</p><p>“…Let go of me. Please.”</p><p>There’s no backtalk (pleasant surprise). Rolo releases his grip and quietly fixes his jacket. He’s unperturbed by the violent turn, and it leaves Suzaku wondering what in god’s name made him that way.</p><p>(not that he has to reach too far to guess)</p><p>“Your temper is new, Suzaku<em>.</em>”</p><p>Maybe if they weren’t who they were, maybe if it wasn’t <em>now, </em>the retort would be funny. It would be bitter banter between friends that look like not-quite friends to the uninitiated. The sort of attitude Lelouch gave Milly at her reckless behavior as student body president (and at her attempts to wrangle him and Shirley together before senior year).</p><p>But it wasn’t, and it couldn’t be. He knew coming here was a mistake, during the university’s cherry blossom celebration nonetheless, but nostalgia and melancholy and <em>loneliness </em>brought him here.</p><p>And it’s that mixture that keeps Suzaku locked uncomfortably in place. There really wasn’t any salvaging this interaction (and frankly, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to. Rolo was <em>strange</em> to put it lightly. At least, <em>Rolo Haliburton, </em>Nebiros, whoever, was strange. Rolo Lamperouge was a different persona entirely, and it sours his stomach) but...</p><p>“I’m… sorry. It’s, the whole thing has me on edge. Lots of people… This wasn’t easy, Rolo,” He takes a step back to clear the air, and still the rise in his pulse.</p><p>Rolo seems unconcerned with the apology. He’d probably received half a dozen like it in the past, but Suzaku pushes the thought to the back of his mind, “Just, don’t call me anything regarding the Knights of Rounds here. And… I don’t want to—”</p><p>“Hear about Lelouch,” Rolo finishes definitively, “Understood.”</p><p>A beat, and then his voice lilts in a way that might have Shirley or Milly tripping over themselves at the sheer sugar intake of <em>cuteness, </em>“Ah, Suzaku, are you going to go back to the fair, then? Besides, I’m sure <em>big brother—</em>”</p><p>Suzaku drowns out the rest, staring in shock, awe, and more than a touch of horror. Lelouch was good at theatrics and making a show of things – Zero was ample proof of that – changing from one charismatic persona to the next. But this was… this was something else entirely.</p><p>Rolo Haliburton was strange, but <em>Rolo Lamperouge </em>might be worse if he keeps this up.</p><p>
  <em>He’s not like that all the time is he?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>There’s a nagging curiosity in Rolo that wonders why Suzaku is here as they walk. Part of him believes it’s a matter of trust or disrespect, like he’d mentioned before: that Suzaku didn’t believe some pretty, boyish assassin would be able to maintain a demure enough front to repress Lelouch’s memories of Nunnally <em>and </em>keep an eye out for red flags that said Zero was back. That he saw Rolo as a <em>threat </em>to the mission, or worse, a threat to Lelouch, given Suzaku’s obvious prickly (yet very protective) disposition toward the topic. His ultimate orders were to kill Lelouch if Zero awakened, anyways, so maybe it was to – god forbid – stop him from doing so.</p><p>Still, a Knight of Round should be prowling Pendragon, or by now, the battlefields in Europe. A knight that knew about Geass, furthermore, should <em>not</em> be this close to the University. The Emperor (or maybe even V.V.) would have better use for them than this, so Suzaku must be on leave of some kind.</p><p>It was completely beyond Rolo. To have the ability to just… <em>stop, </em>let alone do what he saw as essentially shirking duty.</p><p>He gives Suzaku a sideways glance, ill-timed since their eyes catch and Suzaku <em>bizarrely </em>turns away with the makings of a blush on his face.</p><p>This was another aspect of Suzaku he could not make heads or tails of in their interactions. Certainly, Rolo had been taught to use proximity and emotional plays to lull targets into a false sense of security, but small hiccups in their (few) interactions had led him to believe he didn’t really need to <em>try </em>with Suzaku.</p><p>It was like he wanted to believe Rolo wasn’t an assassin. That he was just some melancholy-but-very-sweet university freshman. That Lelouch wasn’t even part of their main reason for meeting, and Rolo <em>hadn’t </em>fished him out of prison in a foreign state.</p><p>Maybe Suzaku was just very awkward, and this was his default state of being. Or, maybe he was being too critical of someone who was <em>obviously </em>not meant for more delicate works of subterfuge. Considering his rough reaction to a bit of cheek regarding his old relationships, Suzaku was someone who was led more by their heart than their brain.</p><p>There was more there, too. The fact that he apologized for being rightly offended at Rolo’s toying was strange.</p><p>“Have you—well. No, that’s probably assumptive-“</p><p>He widens his gaze, attempting to cover up that incredibly telling, pursed look he got on his face when analyzing someone too hard, “hm?”</p><p>“I just wanted to know if you’d been to a cherry blossom festival before. Or, any festival… They told me you were from—you know. But they’d never given me any other details.”</p><p>A turn of his head signals his confusion at the cautious phrasing, and he pockets both his hands, “No. There’s been a few on campus, and Milly – not Lelouch – has begged me to go,” a heavy sigh before he says more concisely, “I don’t like crowds.”</p><p><em>I don’t like being smothered, </em>as wonderful as the positive attention from Lelouch was. It was fake. It was empty. It didn’t mean anything to or for Rolo. Like being followed by a ghost.</p><p>“…This is your first one? Ever?”</p><p>Another shrug, and Suzaku finally forces his knees to unlock from their shock to catch up <em>again, </em>“Wait, come on. Let me get you something. This one is my favorite, anyways, and after earlier…”</p><p>He wishes he could say he’s seen enough romantic comedies to know where this is going. At some point there would be a large stuffed animal involved, if he remembers correctly. But he didn’t need Suzaku’s help to win a balloon popping game to acquire a stupidly overfluffed monkey, or lion, or whatever they had in stock at university knock-off fairs. Nor did he have any interest in acquiring them.</p><p>But he hasn’t seen enough. At least, he hasn’t seen any that involve knights and their traumatized best friends. Nor did they involve assassins, undercover agents, or other obviously dangerous motifs.</p><p>Really, he’d only seen one romantic comedy at Shirley’s insistence, but he can’t regurgitate that information quickly enough to stop Suzaku from pushing them onward. Rolo Lamperouge was bashful, but Rolo Haliburton, at this moment, was tongue-tied into a state of bewilderment.</p><p>They’re just <em>flowers. </em>Pink flowers.</p><p>They sort of reminded him of Euphemia li Britannia’s hair in the back of his mind as he tries to quickly pull up a mental file on how he’s supposed to respond to such a social cue.</p><p>Yes, he looks up at Suzaku as the other maintains a polite sort of bodily-shield position to keep them motivating through the crowd of petal-enraptured students as pink twisted through the air like confetti.</p><p>Suzaku was someone that was led more by their heart than their brain.</p><p>What a shame.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“…Lor—Suzaku. I don’t know how to eat this,” he says numbly, staring at the multicolored, circular treats stuffed on a stick like a pastel aesthetic corndog. An inspective squeeze tells him it’s too sticky for his personal taste, and if he were more considerate as a person he might feel bad for the briefly dejected look on Suzaku’s face.</p><p>“It’s just like eating anything else on a stick. You… Just put it in your mouth,” and because he <em>really </em>has to sell it, “it’s sweet, it’s good, and no viewing is complete without <em>hanami </em>dango.”</p><p>He refrains from pointing out that this stand – and the bench near it – are the furthest possible things from the row of cherry trees on the main drag. All they’re viewing is other people viewing the blossoms. That, and the crushed, wilted remains of what petals have blown too far away from the road.</p><p>“Just putting it in your mouth isn’t advice that should be dispensed… liberally,” Rolo returns plainly, disregarding Suzaku in favor of reaching to peel one of the – no, he raises a hand to prevent Suzaku from once again invading his space (which only slows him momentarily).</p><p>“Haha, well, I mean, yes! But, hang on, you picked it up upside down,”</p><p>“This is really complicated for a rice ball,”</p><p>“Not a rice ball. Rice flour. Pounded. My freshman year here – well, sophomore too – I helped make some,” Suzaku says warmly, finally tucking into his own treat, “Still have all my fingers intact,”</p><p>“Piloting would be hard without all of them, yes,” the dango is gummy in his mouth, and a mixture of good manners and self-loathing stops him from spitting it out. It’s not overly sweet, but it’s not bland either. He can’t place it, exactly, and the proper way of eating it reminded him of the <em>tanghulu </em>he’d gotten on the streets during missions in China.</p><p>He ate that the wrong way too, in hindsight—carefully picking it apart to put the pieces in his mouth.</p><p>By the time Rolo is on the final one, despite still trying to pinpoint exactly what flavor it is, he’s decided he likes them.</p><p>Suzaku gets them two more, looking considerably more delighted with Rolo’s company.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Did the swim club get stuck doing something… awful again?” Suzaku asks, tilting this way and that to better peer into the tents. He hadn’t seen any glimpse of what was arguably the most popular club on campus (he’s sure there’s only one reason for that, and unfortunately it wasn’t because of Shirley’s phenomenal butterfly stroke). Ordinarily they’d be on the center stage, but it’s weirdly empty. That sinking feeling hits his stomach again.</p><p>“Mm? No, they’re… Managing one of the game tents,” Rolo gestures in some general direction, grabbing Suzaku before he can wander too close, “You can’t be seen here. Not by them.”</p><p><em>Right… </em>Well, there had to be <em>something </em>they could do other than eat. Not that the food was bad (as bad as it was for their stomachs), but an Ashford University fair wasn’t complete without a nightmarish free-for-all of a game. Maybe Milly had finally toned it down some? He smiles at the thought, glancing away and—</p><p>Rolo knows what he’s spotted before his mouth opens.</p><p>
  <em>Damn you, Shirley. </em>
</p><p>“Oh! Over here,” not that Suzaku is waiting for Rolo to follow after him, “That’s cute, they even have stuffed mascots.”</p><p>The stand is simultaneously identical to those around it, and yet very different. The colors are a typical mint green and pastel pink (how they afforded to color coordinate an entire festival is beyond Rolo. He assumes the alumni must be <em>beyond </em>loaded), a few streamers hanging down over the “counter” that was placed in front of a board of similarly colored balloons.</p><p>He knows where this is going. It doesn’t need to go there.</p><p>Right when he gets ready to activate his Geass, one of the Student Activities Council members throws their arm around his shoulder and disrupts the whole process. “Rolo! You actually made it for once, that’s—guys this is a miracle, look at him,” they pull away, doing some overly dramatic gesture that for some stupid reason requires them to do what Rolo can only describe as an upside-down dab.</p><p>“Oh! And who’s hiding behind those glasses, huh?” Mia asks, running fingers through lavender hair before turning her sly squint to Rolo, “boyfriend?”</p><p><em>God. </em>He can’t believe Suzaku is laughing at this. He also can’t believe his face hasn’t somehow turned inside out with the sheer amount of concentrated sourpuss contained within. He’s only rescued by the third tent attendant – this one he doesn’t recognize from any particular club – “If it Is, let’s not terrorize him too badly. That’s just mean.”</p><p>“Y… Yes. How—how well have you been doing?”</p><p>“Aw, come on. You don’t ask about the bottom line during the festival, council-boy,” Mia sets her hands on her hips in a mock-haughty fashion, “But! If you really gotta know, it’s been <em>slow.”</em></p><p>“Nobody here has enough hand-to-eye coordination to win one of the big prizes. But hey! Free stuffed animals for us,” the SAC member makes pistol fingers, just as Suzaku opens his mouth despite Rolo’s mental efforts to will him not to.</p><p>“That bad? I think I might be able to take a few off your hands,” Anya or Gino might like one, at least. The mascot of the university was… strange – some sort of lion-mermaid that didn’t have any official name as much as the entire student body called it “The Cryptid.” Supposedly, it was from Milly’s coat of arms, but it was just as likely she’d picked the first unsettling mythological creature she’d saw on Google.</p><p>He missed it here.</p><p>It’s a dart game, and once the two men are situated side by side to compete (with the trio of tent runners watching in eager anticipation) Suzaku tries to make small talk.</p><p>“Could you clean this place out?”</p><p>“Absolutely. It’s… It’s not hard,” Rolo glances at the other students, torn between which persona he’s supposed to be using. A loud <em>pop </em>takes him out of his thoughts, and with a grimace he reluctantly joins in the turn-taking, “You only have to aim, inhale—exhale, throw.”</p><p>“Oof, remind me not to cross him,” and Suzaku smiles at the spectating words as much as he frowns on the inside. Every time he began to believe he was just a guest on the campus, that they were <em>all </em>just regular students, he remembers reality. They’re all stuck in a dream-like haze where their memories have been permanently altered, and his hand falls from its ready position.</p><p>Even he wasn’t free from the vice-grip of Geass, deep down. Try as he might to resist it. Try as Euphie might—</p><p>By the time he’s left autopilot, Rolo is holding a stuffed creature only a mother could love and regarding him with what isn’t quite contempt – but what definitely isn’t fondness. “You missed the last three.”</p><p>“I did? How—” he could take a running leap at someone and kick them head on, but he couldn’t throw darts without concentrating?</p><p>“Don’t worry about it! You still get… goodies!” Mia’s enthusiastic voice cuts in, presenting Suzaku with a hand-woven bracelet adorned with an Ashford University crest charm, “not as good goodies, but, you get goodies.”</p><p>The skin on his palm crawls while he looks down at the small accessory placed into his hand. He needed to get rid of this before—</p><p>“Ah, Mia, he’s,” Rolo huffs, “don’t tease him too badly. He’s my guest, after all. But—oh, Milly needed me for something, I just remembered. I’m, I’m really sorry, you guys,” He looks so <em>sad </em>at having to leave for his made-up appointment while gently ushering Suzaku away.</p><p>Once they’re out of sight and earshot, Suzaku asks to exchange gifts. By now, he’s decided that Gino would <em>definitely</em> prefer the stuffed animal over Anya. It’s what he focuses on to keep his thoughts straight. Rolo seems indifferent to the exchange.</p><p>At least until Suzaku gently ties the bracelet around his wrist with a beaming smile and a thank-you.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So they… Really don’t notice any difference…?” Suzaku asks hesitantly, patting the stuffed mascot situated on the bench between the two of them on the head. To have replaced someone to one person is simple, but to replace someone to an entire campus? That was harrowing, and it made his blood run cold to think the power of Geass was immense enough to drown the memory of so many individuals.</p><p>(Not that he could be so surprised. Euphemia had committed unspeakable horrors against that same power.)</p><p>The gazebo is quiet, and most of the students have headed back to the dormitories or campus apartments for the evening. The grove here was oak and maple, the architecture a redux of the Britannian capital. For a moment, Suzaku is so displaced with the chilled feeling he almost believes he’s back at the gardens in Pendragon. Rolo’s quiet voice pushes him out of his stupor and puts his mind solidly back into his body.</p><p>Rolo doesn’t think Suzaku wants the answer, worrying his index and thumb nails together.</p><p>“No, they don’t. If I don’t act out of character for their perception of Nunnally, they don’t notice. There are no emotions to trigger for most of them. Lelouch…” he pauses, reading Suzaku’s expression before he continues, “… You saw what happened with Julius Kingsley. No Geass is infallible. If I were to act too uncanny, then Lelouch’s subconscious would rebel,”</p><p>“He would remember Nunnally. Would he remember everything else?”</p><p>Ripping away Lelouch’s sister, relocating her to the relatively safe hand of the emperor… that was removing Lelouch’s motivation to become Zero. But wouldn’t that be enough? He has to wonder where the desire to be Zero ended, and where it began. If it was all for Nunnally, then wouldn’t it repeat with Rolo?</p><p>But then, he supposes Rolo <em>Lamperouge </em>doesn’t want distant dreams like peace or harmony for that reason. He wonders if Rolo Haliburton would either.</p><p>“Mm. The Geass would come undone entirely,” Rolo says simply, continuing to pick at his nails.</p><p>They sit in a more comfortable silence than the last, at least until Suzaku offers Rolo his coat against the encroaching night air. Spring here wasn’t terribly warm, and the nights were worth putting at least a light coat on. The breeze had cooled considerably during sunset, and Suzaku tells himself he’s being polite against further uncomfortable recollections of his last serendipitous encounter with someone.</p><p>“…How old are you?”</p><p>God, why did he say that?</p><p>Suzaku sputters for a few seconds, trying to repair what he perceives as damage (and what Rolo perceives as nothing) as he fixes his blazer, “I mean, you don’t look older than Nunnally and she was a year ahead because of her test scores. So, a Freshman in college when she was just a senior in high school-“</p><p>“I didn’t go to school.”</p><p>“Ah… I, I’m sorry--? No. I am sorry,” he reaffirms, expression steeling to better fit the symbol he was to the populace. The Empire used everything, and it spared nothing and no one, and… He knew that. He knew that when he had to put Lelouch on his knees before the emperor – twice – but he’d never really encountered what happened when the hand of the military (the hand of <em>Geass</em>) was all someone knew.</p><p>But he knows it’s wasted, and Rolo doesn’t care anyways. He doesn’t know why he continues, then. It’s desperation, something that might want validation or miserable company. The same parts of him that chastise his every past action and failure, and the same parts that drive him to crave revenge as much as he is disgusted with his being for wanting it so badly.</p><p>It’s an admission, one he hasn’t heard himself say for a year.</p><p>“I… wanted to change that. When I became a knight – when I joined the military. To change the way things are, and the way they would be,” he folds his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees and denying Rolo any glimpse of his face to make out his intentions, “I don’t think it takes extremes to make the world better. I think benevolence is stronger than Zero – than Lelouch – thinks.”</p><p>He swore Rolo had used his Geass to escape, the silence after his confession was so thunderous and overwhelming. He’s ashamed that he’d vilify himself out loud like it would change anything he’d done. Why now, of all times, was he so overcome?</p><p>His hands rake through his hair, cradling his head from his bent over position.</p><p>“I didn’t want to do it just for one person, not like Lelouch, but when I finally met someone I could change it for, to change it <em>with</em>, I—”</p><p>A light hand on his shoulder stops him, and his frazzled state has him afraid to look up at Rolo because he <em>knows </em>there’s tears and he <em>knows </em>it’s all about Euphie, the massacre, the betrayal, everything.</p><p>But he does. He turns his green-eyed gaze to Rolo’s cold silence. He flinches as the hand leaves his shoulder, only for fingertips to lightly graze the firm line of his jaw, a thumb to gently stroke over the hollow in his cheek. Instinct tells him to lean into the touch (that’s what he’d do with Euphie, and this is <em>wrong</em>) but he refrains out of shock.</p><p>Rolo knew something about proximity and lulling people into a false sense of security – it wouldn’t be a violation of the mission to prevent his superior from having some sort of neurotic, trauma-induced come apart. That wouldn’t do, especially not on the campus. It would jeopardize <em>everything- </em>and Rolo has never failed a mission.</p><p>Suzaku can’t do anything except wait with his heart in this throat. He’d admitted to the Emperor what his motivations were, what drove him. An accusation of treason didn’t scare him.</p><p>It was the idea of being rejected on a base, empathetic level. His left hand shakily wraps around Rolo’s wrist, now trapping them both in a moment that seemed to stretch indefinitely.</p><p>Rolo doesn’t know what Suzaku wants to hear, not exactly. He could make a damn good guess, but what someone’s heart truly desired was lost on him. He doesn’t know the nuances of empathy, or consideration. They were all ripped from him while he was young.</p><p> “…I’m sorry.”</p><p><em>To Lelouch. To Euphemia. To Nunnally, it’s for them, </em>Rolo thinks, and he looses his hand just enough from the grip to brush away the few tears that had escaped. His mind is still sifting through words, trying to puzzle together the right things to say—</p><p>“I’m so, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want… None of this was supposed to be this way,” a pressure on Rolo’s lower back ushers him forward, and he remains still (gentle, demure, <em>calm</em>) as Suzaku’s forehead presses against his abdomen, as his arms wrap around his waist, “I wish she could be here. I wish I could have shown her—”</p><p>He considers using his Geass to buy himself time, to escape before this leaps from a recollection to a <em>living memory, </em>but…</p><p>“I can’t change anything. I couldn’t change anything,” the growing dampness in the fabric of his blazer tells him Suzaku has given up on damming his feelings, and hesitantly Rolo slips his hands around Suzaku’s shoulders, “We should all be here, together, not… Not like this…”</p><p>Rolo doesn’t count the seconds of his moment, as he’s prone to do for his Geass.</p><p>He hopes he won’t regret it later.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Stop sneaking onto campus, Kururugi,” this time, Suzaku is expecting the sudden appearance, and he tilts his chin up with an unbegrudged smile. He pushes his glasses further up his nose, leaning back against the wall of Watercrest Hall while students filed by with buzzing excitement to the “dead day” festival – because clearly what students needed on their day off to study for finals was something to distract them from studying for finals. “You’re making this difficult.”</p><p>“I was feeling nostalgic. Besides, I had to talk to the dean of admissions,” for once, he’s got the one-up on Rolo… although now that he’s focusing on him in proper, he can tell the younger man is hiding something behind his back.</p><p>“You’re coming back?”</p><p>“It seemed like… It was something I needed to do. It’s—” He inhales deeply, and briefly, concern flutters across Rolo’s face, “what Euphie would have wanted. And it’s the least I can do for her, right?”</p><p>Rolo knows Suzaku doesn’t need him to agree on this, but he nods his head.</p><p>“… A-anyways, before this gets… so did you have something to report? I can meet you later-- or were you just trying to sneak up on me again?” He tries to peer behind Rolo, get a glimpse at whatever he’s playing keep away with, and—</p><p>He’s gone.</p><p>No, this was not okay – he whirls on heel to his right, where Rolo has <em>somehow </em>(Geass, he internally grumbles) materialized beside him with a skewer in one of his hands, laden with strawberries and a thickly crystallized sugar coating.</p><p>“I asked Milly to search around for other street food vendors, and one of them happened to be something I recognized from older missions,” Suzaku plucks the bamboo skewer delicately away, raising an eyebrow, “the Directorate is a secret, obviously,” he situates himself against the wall beside Suzaku, prying off a sugary strawberry and popping it into his mouth, “but I spent a lot of time in Northern China.”</p><p>Suzaku has to wonder if that’s Rolo’s way of opening up to him, after… after their last encounter. He twists the skewer, “I see… It’s not poisoned?”</p><p>“No,” Rolo gives him a sideways glance, mumbling around the fruit in his mouth before he swallows, “I have nothing to gain, anyways,”</p><p>Now, a grin crosses his features, “Any advice?” at least there was something light hearted he could recall from… the last time he’d stopped by here unbidden, and the grin is dissolved by laughter at the response he receives,</p><p>“You just put it in your mouth.”</p><p>He tells Rolo off for not warning him that the sugar would break in a fashion that was <em>very likely </em>to cut his mouth.</p>
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